One thing I find in my work is that some readers get the bright idea of subscribing the narcissist in their lives to my newsletter. This is a very bad idea and let me tell you why.
First of all, in order to subscribe the narcissist in your life to any “opt-in” newsletter having to do with narcissism, you must have his/her password so that you can confirm his/her desire to receive email from that person. This is actually dishonest and you don’t want to match the narcissist in integrity. You want to rise above and be the better person.
Secondly, let me explain how it is for me. I get some very nasty messages from people who obviously did not subscribe to my newsletter. My newsletter is an “opt-in” and so one cannot subscribe without signing up and confirming. This is a two-step process. People who are getting my articles and information who did not subscribe don’t actually read the information I provide. They get angry! And guess who they take their anger out on? ME! So by subscribing your narcissist to someone’s newsletter whom you respect, you are actually hurting that person, not the narcissist.
The narcissist is likely to report me as spam and if I am reported enough times my service, whom I’ve been with for over ten years, will drop me and I will lose years of my work along with thousands of subscribers.
Now if you were the narcissist you would say “YEAH!” “Great!” “Let me destroy her life too!”
There is a very simple unsubscribe button at the bottom of each mailing I send out and if someone does not wish to receive mail from me they can easily unsubscribe, but many people need to have their two cents before they leave.
What you need to understand is that narcissists aren’t going to get it. They won’t read an article on narcissism and say “oh wow that’s me!” On the contrary, they are likely to say “Oh wow that’s my ex!” Because narcissists project! They can’t see themselves objectively! They are clueless about how their own behavior affects others, or if they do have a clue, they don’t care!
So don’t waste your time, energy and most of all your integrity, trying to get the narcissist to “get it!” Instead you’ve got to “get it!” It is up to you to “get” that the narcissist isn’t going to “get it!”
I understand that most of us want the narcissist to be accountable and take responsibility for their cruel and abusive behavior, but guess what? It won’t happen! This is why we suffer from a lack of closure and have to find that closure within ourselves. Our closure comes from finally realizing that we aren’t going to get what we want or need from the narcissist. The very nature of narcissistic personality disorder is a lack of accountability and responsibility for his/her actions and behavior. The narcissist projects and blames. You are powerless to change that! The only person you have the power to change is YOU!
Healing takes time, but if you stay true to YOU and stick to the path of recovery, you will get there.
Thank you for making me a part of your recovery!
Blessings on your journey!