The Demon Lover in the Role of Spiritual Transformation

He comes like a thief in the night, strips away my barriers, penetrates my walls, pulls me into a dream where I no longer know what is real and what is fantasy.

He is the demon lover, who calls to the deepest part of my soul asking me to surrender all that I am.

I let go only after there is nothing left for me to hold onto. I die what seems to be a slow painful death.

But just when I think it is over something begins to awaken deep within me. Like the Phoenix I am called from the ashes to rise again, to live again in a life so much greater than the old.

I curse him like one would curse the night for casting a shadow upon the day. But without the night there would never be the dawn of a new morning.

demonloverThe Demon Lover is the negative archetype of the “dark masculine” or feminine who takes us on the journey into our own unconscious to access the pain we ourselves have been hiding from. We unconsciously draw the demon lover to us out of our own spiritual need for transformation. We are seduced by the danger, the excitement, the intensity, all the while caught up in a Web of lies, deceipt and manipulation. It takes our energy; our life force and strips away everything we believed ourselves to be. The gift is that from the ashes of what we once were we give birth to who we were always meant to become.

When we first meet the demon lover he strikes a chord of kinship within us. There seems to be a deep soulmate connection, the kindred spirit, the one we recognize as being significant in our lives.

And he is significant. Possibly one of the most significant relationships of all time. Because he comes to us not as one who would fulfill our wildest dreams but one who would tear us down to the core, peeling away all our defenses, exposing our most fragile self and then abandoning us in the fires of transformation. While we burn to the ground it seems he has ignited the fire and left us for dead. We can hate the beast who would cast such a dark shadow over us but eventually we will realize it is not at all what it seems. Because it is the demon who exposes us to the darkness within ourselves, the places we have been separated from that prevent us from ever achieving wholeness.

We searched the world over for our soulmate in hope of finally feeling complete, loved and whole. But we were ignorant to what that would mean for us. We had hoped we could finally rest in the safety of knowing we have found our one true love. We can’t begin to prepare for the journey that would be initiated by this relationship. What happens when we realize he is the one all right. He is the one who will take us deeper into the darkness than any other ever has. We had hoped our soulmate would take us to the light, not into darkness!

We find titles like narcissism and soul vampire, to describe the one who has taken our soul. And we curse ourselves for giving it so easily. For the promise of love we would have given everything. and we did! We gave everything. Now it seems there is nothing left.

So what do we do when we have hit rock bottom? What do we do when the one we love has turned against us, plays the devils advocate and castes us into the fires of Hades? The first thing we do is realize he is not at all what he seems. But he serves a purpose! The purpose is not to be our forever lover, but to awaken the sleeping dragon within us. For the dragon must awaken for us to take our rightful place in the world.

We are part of the consciousness of the awakening of the divine feminine. And in order for the feminine to awaken both within us and within the world we must face the darkness that has been our repressor throughout the ages. This is both a personal journey and the journey of humanity. We are all in this together, but we don’t all receive the call at the same time. The call to awaken comes often through personal tragedy. It is the only thing that would have gotten our attention. Otherwise we would sleepwalk through life never truly understanding our grand purpose. We are here not for ourselves but for the world. We are here to assist with its transformation. And the transformation of the world can only happen when we undergo our own personal transformation. For each light born out of darkness the world gets a little bit brighter.

It seems we become so blinded by life that we forget that we are these grand beings who have a great deal to contribute to life. We believe we are small and insignificant. Yet we are here to be these blazing lights shining upon the darkness of the world so it can be transformed.

When we curse the darkness we are defeated by it. But when we find out way through the darkness and into the light we have defeated it! The darkness did not succeed at extinguishing our light. Instead it served to birth forth an even greater light. So the darkness is only evil when we fear it and draw forth the demons who would destroy us. We defeat the darkness by finding within it a spark of light, of hope for ourselves and humanity.

It is painful to find those on our walk through life who don’t seem capable of truly caring. But it is our compassion that tells us one who never really received love or caring may never come to understand it. He may be cut off from the light yet hunger for it all the same. So he finds the light in you and feeds upon it as if he has been starving for ages. At first we relish the attention of being consumed but soon we realize we are losing ourselves to the consumer. We allow ourselves, in our own ignorance, to be completely consumed and spit out. It is this state in which we find ourselves. Used morsels upon the earth, rotting to our demise.

Can we blame the demon for consuming us? It is what he does! It is what he knows! To him, to love is to consume and when we have been completely devoured there is no love left. So he goes in search of another light to feast upon. We are left feeling we have been extinguished but there is always a spark waiting to become a flame. This time we are called upon to descend deep within ourselves and ignite that flame. We can then cast the light upon our shadow self and come forth into the world with greater authenticity, walking in greater truth, grace and self awareness.

What does it serve to spend our energy obsessing on the one who has taken us to this place. He will always be on the other side, greedily consuming the light. Where we are going to a place where he can’t reach us. We will be birthed into a star so bright he could not gaze upon us for fear the darkness within him would be exposed.

We can love him still, for he will always be the one who took us to the greatest depths of ourselves. But to love is sometimes to let go and allow one to be who and what he is. We cannot change that! We cannot make the demon lover our prince charming. The answers to our greatest longing is within and this is where we must go.

Reach deep into the shadows of your being and bring forth all that you are and you will find the longing you had for the other was really only a longing for the self and its connection to the divine. The fires of transformation purify you and make you whole unto yourself! The search is over! You have come home!

The Demon Lover
a poem by Kaleah

I fight this restlessness
I can’t find peace anywhere
It feels like I’m possessed
And you don’t know how to care

My demon lover
You bring me to the darkest places I have known
My demon lover
It seems that I have sold to you my soul

And I want to cast you out of me
I need for you to set me free
I hear your voice inside my mind
And I really need to find my way
out of this pain inside this maze
out of this pain inside this maze
I still feel you

I try to hold this desire
Push it somewhere I can’t see
Supress this fire
Burning deep inside of me

My demon lover
You come to me when I can’t find the light
My demon lover
You take me to the darkest of the nights

And I want to cast you out of me
I need for you to set me free
I hear your voice inside my mind
And I really need to find my way
Out of this pain…

But I’m gonna get out I’m gonna break away somehow
And pull myself back…pull myself back

And I want to cast you out of me
I need for you to set me free
I hear your voice inside my mind
And I really need to find my way
out of this pain inside this maze
out of this pain inside this maze
out of this pain inside this maze

About Kaleah LaRoche

Kaleah LaRoche is the Founder of Narcissism Free and has been working to support others in their recovery of narcissistic abuse since 2006. She has authored four books on the topic of narcissistic abuse, recovery, and traversing the dark night of the soul. A Clinical Hypnotherapist and Holistic Counselor since 1988, Kaleah brings her compassionate counseling skill and Hypnotherapy to assist in healing and recovery. Kaleah also has a popular podcast "Pandora's Box." You can go to pandoras-box-radio.com to listen.