The Aftermath of Abuse; Why Won’t That Feeling Go Away?

healingpain2What is it? That feeling that stays with us afterfalling in love with a narcissist? He held such promise, in the beginning. He was the love of our life, the ONE. But soon hope and expectation gave way to betrayal and disappointment that also brings with it a feeling of hopelessness, despair, extreme grief.

Most of us get through the initial trauma of a break-up with a narcissistic or emotionally abusive personality, however the feeling of connection persists, long after the partner is gone. We can so easily fool ourselves into believing it is LOVE. We just can’t get over that person. Why?

Because he or she has penetrated your boundaries, come right into your psychic space and wreaked havoc in your mental, emotional and psychic life. When I speak of psychic I am speaking of the energy field around your physical body. It is the field that contains your emotional body, your pain body and your spiritual body. This is energy you can feel but you can’t see. It is invisible, yet powerful.

As long as the perpetrator is still lingering in your energy field you will find yourself obsessed with thoughts about him/her and feel a constant drain on your energy. The question most people I work with have is “how do I get rid of this feeling?” How can I get him/her out of my head?”

When dealing with a psychic perpetrator you will have very small results with traditional methods of psychotherapy or medicine. This is a psychic issue and it needs to be approached on a psychic level.

Some people may not believe in psychic phenomenon. You don’t have to believe in psychics in order to understand what I am talking about. You have to understand what psychic energy is, in order to embrace a new way of dealing with the confused world you are living in as a result of psychic abuse.

It may seem, on the outside, that we are all separate beings, living our own individual lives. But this simply is not the way it is. We are all connected through an invisible Web. It can be somewhat like living in a fantasy world; an imaginary reality. We can picture ourselves living with elves, fairies and goblins, those who are blessings in our lives and those who seem to be hell bent on destroying it.

In movies like “Lord of the Rings” and “Starwars” there is a powerful play between the darkness and the light. The forces of light battle between the forces of darkness to save the world. In a sense we find ourselves in this same kind of battle where we are really setting out to save ourselves. It seems the forces of darkness penetrate our reality and feed on our life force energy. These are thepredators, the psychic vampires, the parasites that hook into us on a psychic emotional level and stay hooked in until we actively do something about it.

The question most have is “what do I do about it?” There is often a feeling of hopelessness, feeling as if we are destined to live this life, a shell of our former selves.

But this is not true. You don’t have to stay in this place! You can get out! What you have to realize is the power that you truly have to overcome. You have access to the power of the light! Call it the God force, the angels, or whatever else you want to call it, but it is at your disposal. Just as the hero’s of the movies I talked about have the light on their side, so do you. You can allow the darkness to swallow you, or you can stand up and start fighting for what is rightfully yours! This is not about fighting for material possessions but rather your very soul.

Sometimes it seems we have sold our soul to the devil in exchange for the promise of love. But then we are betrayed. We have lost our souls and never did receive that love we were promised. So, in a sense, we must go to battle for that which we have given away! Our soul.

Our soul contains our power for living. It is who we are! It is our essence, that part of us that is eternal, connected to God, connected to all of life! We are not our bodies, as one will realize when their soul comes up missing. There is an emptiness, a feeling as if the lights are on but nobody is home.

We feel more as if we are vicariously living the life of our abuser than we are living our own. And in many ways it feels as if our abuser has taken our life. What a trade!

How do we get ourselves back? We call ourselves back! We command that the person who has taken our soul return it to us, not on a physical level, but on a psychic level. We must find our voice, our authority and command out loud “___________, I command that you return to me my soul and my power NOW!”

Continue to repeat that statement day in and day out until you begin to feel your power returning. Whenever you hear the abuser in your head, say “I want you to get out of my head and leave my psychic space NOW!” “Go Away” “Leave me alone!” Talk to this energy as if the body was still right there with you. Evict it from your life! Let it know it can no longer feed off you. Let it know it is no longer welcome in your energy field. Be strong and persistent. You are only as weak as you believe you are. Change your beliefs. Remember who you are! You are as powerful as you believe you are! So choose to believe in your power. Choose to acknowledge that you have the help of the light force.

You must know that your thoughts are very powerful. If you continue to entertain thoughts of defeat, you will be defeated. However if you intervene when you find yourself thinking thoughts that are not productive, you can evict those thoughts and replace them with thoughts that build who you are rather than destroy. When you continue to reinforce that this person in your life has stolen your life, your power, your friends, your house, your children, or whatever else, you continue to create that reality for yourself. Thoughts are energy, and very powerful. You must carefully police your thoughts and turn your focus to what you want to create in your life. It must be a creation that is for you, not against your abuser or anyone else.

The energy of hatred is a destructive force in the universe and when you put it out, this is what you get back. So you must learn to have strong boundaries around you that protect you from invasion and enforce those boundaries with the power of love, rather than the energy of hatred.

The act of having inner authority is an act of love. It is love for yourself and you must be able to love yourself as much as you would love anyone. To love yourself means to be strong in yourself, to have strong boundaries and to not allow intrusion from those who don’t have your best interest at heart. If someone has betrayed you or treated you poorly, you have the right to close the door on them. They are no longer welcome in your life. It doesn’t mean you have to hate them. It only means that you love yourself enough to protect yourself from harm, and that person has proven himself or herself to be untrustworthy and harmful to you. It is like a story I often tell of the rattlesnake. If you get too close to a rattlesnake it can very well bit you, because it is his nature to do so. You don’t hate the snake but rather take extreme caution around it and don’t get too close.

Call yourself back! Call back your soul! Call back your power! Call back what is yours by divine right! Your abuser has NO power except that which you give him/her. It is through the process of continuing to give our power away that we become powerless. You can turn it around starting right now! Call yourself back! Command that your abuser release you back to yourself. You are the Queen/King of your own Kingdom. You must remember this and step back into your castle, have your (imaginary) guardians remove the abuser from your throne and take it back! Imagine this all taking place as if you were writing a story! See it unfold in a beautiful way, as if it was the end of a movie where the hero of the story finally wins and the light is restored to the land.

If your abuser has succeeded in taking over your kingdom, your social group, your friends, your home, or whatever else, you must for a time, walk away, cut the ties and get your power back. Friends that can be bought are not really friends at all. It is good you can learn this now. In time your true friends will surface and in time, the true identity of your abuser will be discovered. It must be enough for you to know this now. Trust in the process of life and the balancing of the karmic scales. What comes around does go around.

I put up this statement on my Website because it is a very wise and true statement:
A greedy back-biting wicked person will always perish in the process of causing harm to others. Doesn’t the moth get burnt in the over-ambitious attempt to swallow up the flame?Vishvagunadarsha

What lies in the dark is always exposed eventually. The true self will eventually emerge in all of us.

The sooner you get your power back the sooner the cards will fall into their proper places. As long as your abuser continues to feed off your power on a psychic level, you will continue to perceive him/her as having all the good while you have all the bad. Once you get yourself back, you will be returned to your rightful place and so will he. You must know this for yourself and trust this.

You don’t have to see physical evidence that he has lost power in his life. You may not see it! It has to be enough for you to know it! One who hides and pretends invests a tremendous amount of energy keeping up appearances, but you know how that is.


About Kaleah LaRoche

Kaleah LaRoche is the Founder of Narcissism Free and has been working to support others in their recovery of narcissistic abuse since 2006. She has authored four books on the topic of narcissistic abuse, recovery, and traversing the dark night of the soul. A Clinical Hypnotherapist and Holistic Counselor since 1988, Kaleah brings her compassionate counseling skill and Hypnotherapy to assist in healing and recovery.

Kaleah also has a popular podcast “Pandora’s Box.” You can go to to listen.