The Path Back to Self Newsletter

Embracing All That You Are!

November 5 , 2008

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Why Can't I Break Free?

Although my Website and my E-books are focused on breaking free from the energetic attachments with the narcissist in your life, it is still a common concern around my counseling clients and the members of my support group. I promised the group I would focus on this topic tonight in our tele-support session. But I had to take a step back and ask myself. Why do so many survivors of narcissistic abuse get stuck at this place?

Leaving an abuser, on a physical level, is not the problem, although it can be very difficult. What seems to be the greatest challenge is getting the abuser out of your head, out of your thoughts, out of your energy.

I reflect back on my relationships with narcissistic mates and there is no doubt that this is a great challenge. I struggled with it just like everyone else does. But I am here to tell you that you CAN move beyond this and you can find peace, self confidence, and passion for living again. You must be willing to trust the process and do the work.

In our pill pushing society we often seek quick fixes to eliminate pain from our lives. Pain is a dirty word and we don't want to feel it. But pain is also a reality of life. So is grief! In order to be happy in our lives we must learn to take the good with the bad and stop expecting perfection of ourselves and others.

In the greater scheme of things this experience has been visited upon you for a reason. You may not understand that reason right now, but in time you will. Remember what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Some of you may feel that the pain you are suffering will kill you, but this is not likely. You will only die of a broken heart if you completely give up and invite something in like disease or an accident.

Some victims of narcissistic abuse have committed suicide. I don't know anyone personally. But I've had some clients tell me one of the ex's in their narcissistic ex-partner's life committed suicide. These are people who got swallowed up in the insanity and couldn't find their way out. I think this is the greatest fear people have, who have gone through this kind of crazy making abuse.

This issue my article is dedicated to the subject of dealing with the aftermath of abuse. Once again I address the topic of why it is so challenging to cut those chords that keep you tied on an emotional level to the narcissist in your life.

You can read the article for more information, but I want to stress that in order to overcome, you really have to commit yourself to the process. It is a process of personal empowerment and spiritual growth. My E-book "Spiritual Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse" covers in detail how you can cut those psychic, emotional chords. If you haven't read it I suggest that you do. If you have, read it again and practice the techniques given. If you want additional help, I offer the audio program for "Psychic Chord Cutting" available either on CD or instant download. I offer these tools to help you to effectively sever those chords, however it is up to you to do the work, to put these techniques into practice until you are free of those attachments.

I realize that some of you don't really want to cut those chords. There is a hesitancy and a sadness about truly letting go. There is a desire to hold on to the bond, in hopes it will someday become a real one. But part of healing is to admit the truth to yourself and be willing to move on. Holding onto hope only holds you back. If a love is true, it will find it's way to you, even after you let go. Sometimes letting go is the greatest thing you can do for yourself and the other.

It is O.K. for you to still love that person! The love you felt for the narcissist in your life is real and it belongs to you. It is not the love you feel that hurts you. It is the betrayal, the abandonment, and the loss of the dream. This is where your pain is. The love in your heart is what will heal you. When you practice the chord cutting techniques you can send that person away with love. You can acknowledge the love you felt for that person and allow it to remain in your heart. If you are angry, than be angry, and find effective ways to deal with your anger. Anger is a normal, healthy emotion we feel in reaction to an injustice. Don't deny yourself any of your feelings. But do find healthy ways to deal with them. Get help if you need it! Asking for help is a sign of a healthy, strong person. Not of weakness.

Practice daily rituals that will help you move forward, even if only a little each day. Take saltwater baths, light candles, say positive prayer, meditate, go for walks, do your chord cutting exercises, and for heaven sakes, watch your thought processes. Our thoughts have the power to lift us up or take us down. So pay attention!

Moving forward takes diligence and commitment. You must believe that you can overcome and get your life back even more powerful than before you met the narcissist. You must know this is possible for you. If you can't see it, practice fantasizing about a life you would love to live, and keep the N. out of your fantasy. Rebuild your dreams, first in your mind, and the reality will follow!

Blessings!

Kaleah

The Aftermath of Abuse - Why Won't That Feeling Go Away?

Survivor of Abuse to be Interviewed November 11th on Dispelling the Myths.

This week I cancelled the November 4th radio show in honor of our new President Elect. But next week we have a real treat for you. I always tell my clients that the dark night of the soul we often go through after surviving narcissistic abuse brings us in touch with our true self and we can go on to be more empowered than ever. Sometimes when we emerge we bring great gifts with us. After my first relationship with a narcissist I went on to record my second CD "The Road Home" and after my second I wrote my first E-book "Spiritual Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse" which let to my second book, this Website, the audio program, support forums and more.

We can take something bad and create something good from it. Out of the ashes of our past, like the Phoenix, we will rise into a new life, greater than the old.

So I am really excited to share a victory with you! Tantra Bensko, survivor of narcissistic abuse has just released her new DVD " "Interpersonal Dynamics of the Aura," which, follows two women dealing full-time with two Narcissists who are energy vampires. Both women see auras and track down what happens to the energy fields of the different people in relation to each other. She also looks at how this effects health, how to make it stop, and what happens after that. So if you would like to gain a better understanding of the psychic, emotional energy field and how it interacts with a narcissistic personality, this is a great opportunity.

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