Dark Hearts

darkheartI often have people ask me if narcissists are evil. In my E-book “Narcissism, The Web of Illusion” I talk about the relationship of narcissism to evil. I reference Scott Pecks book “The People of the Lie” where he draws the conclusion that narcissism is one of the worse kinds of evil because it is so destructive and yet so masked.

The thing that makes narcissism confusing is that it is so masked. It is very difficult to see the destruction, yet it is there, like a cancer, eating away at one’s life force.

Evil and darkness is a difficult thing to understand. We are trained at an early age that evil is the villain dark heart who sets out to destroy a city, or the serial killer. We have an image in our mind of what we believe evil is and often the narcissist in our lives is so far from that image.

Who would suspect a good looking, charismatic, charming, intelligent and successful person who is outwardly kind and considerate? Who would suspect the one you are sleeping with who tells you every day that he loves you and in spite of the issues you are having, you really want to believe that he does.

I believe, because of our conditioning around the word “evil” that it might not be the best term in which to describe the narcissist, unless, of course, he is also a sociopathic killer or something equally as sinister. I feel a better term would be “dark heart” and let me tell you why.

What Is A Dark Heart?

We live in a world of darkness and light and there is also shades of grey in between. But as we progress in our human evolution we can see evidence that the light is getting lighter and the dark is getting darker. It is as if the shades of grey are now having to choose one side of the spectrum or the other.

Throughout our history as human beings, the dark hearts have been extracting the light from those who carry it. The dark hearts are spiritually void and unable to access the light within, therefore they seek to feed from the light force in others. For many dark hearts this may be an unconscious process, but it is destructive nevertheless.

We are in a spiritual crisis on our planet because the dark hearts are ruling the world. They are the ones who are only able to see the world through the eyes of personal gain, without concern for the whole of humanity.

The dark hearts are empty vessels that need to be filled with outside energy, power and material wealth. They are truly godless beings because they have closed off all access to the God force, or to the light of God/Goddess/Spirit or whatever you are comfortable calling it.

Even some who are atheist still draw light from nature or the universe in some way, and don’t need to extract it from human souls. But the dark hearts feed off of human souls. They feed until they have depleted or exhausted their source and then they discard the worn out source for a fresh one.

The dark hearts are master magicians really, capable of creating impressive illusions that allow them to pull in feed sources. It is like the spider who weaves an elaborate web in order to trap her prey. Once caught in the web she feeds off that prey until it is finished.

But He Seems So Innocent

It is important to understand that the attraction and draw to the dark heart is part of that magic that is pulling you into the web so that you can be food. If you could really see, on an energetic level, what was happening you would be repelled rather than attracted. That is the power of the magical illusion. But there is something more that needs to be looked at here.

The dark heart is also a master at getting others to believe he or she is innocent. They often appear quite innocent. As compassionate, empathetic beings we care about the person who comes to feed at our table. Our soul energy is being extracted. We know it is being extracted, we can feel it, and yet the dark heart pleads his innocence and we somehow let him off the hook. We continue to feed him because we care about him.

I had a woman write to me who was able to visually see the psychic cord between her and her narcissistic mate. When she went to cut the cord she said she was afraid because she felt that by withdrawing her life force from him he would die. I realized this was an important piece to talk about. Because there is great truth to what this woman saw. The truth is that the dark hearts are highly dependent upon our energy for their survival and if we withdraw our energy they begin to shrivel up and die, and we can feel that desperation. Being compassionate, caring beings we don’t want to see a person we love shrivel up and die because we are starving them of our energy. So we continue to feed them.

The reason we are so often discarded for a fresh new supply is that our energy is depleted and we can’t feed them any longer or we have already withdrawn our energy for our own health and well being. The dark heart is a vampiric being dependent upon the life force energy of others for his survival, which explains his desperate need to always have a secondary source of supply waiting in the wings.

Do Dark Hearts Have a Soul?

I’ve often heard people describe narcissists as soulless beings. That conflicts with what I believe, because I believe everyone has a soul, but not everyone is connected to his or her soul. Yet as I explored the concept of “soul” deeper I came to see our “soul” as that life force energy within us that is eternal. And if a being is void of any true “life force” and dependent upon others to keep him alive, energetically, then he must indeed be a soulless being. He may still have a spark of soul somewhere but he is disconnected from that spark.

When you hear the phrase “sell your soul to the devil” it would imply that one gives his very life force energy as an exchange for something. We often do this on a daily basis as we give up so much of who we are in order to conform or fit into material society that requires we spend our energy in exchange for material pleasures, or at the very least a roof over our heads and food on our table. But we are often conscious of the fact our jobs are draining us and work to create a healthier situation. When we enter into a relationship with a dark heart we are so often caught up in the illusions that prevent us from noticing how much of our energy is being extracted or exhausted.

Although many dark hearts appear strong, robust and capable, many also appear weak and needy. This can really appeal to the compassionate side of empathetic beings who give their very life blood to keep the one they love alive.

We give because it is in our nature to do so, and the dark hearts know this. They choose those who have a strong life force energy. They are attracted to the light. The light is their food. They don’t have the ability to harvest that light from within therefore they must harvest souls in order to feel strong.

Narcissism As A Spiritual Disorder

I often talk about how I don’t care to look at NPD or narcissism as a personality disorder as much as I prefer to see it as a spiritual disorder. It really is an issue of the spirit. Because those dark hearts, we have come to know as narcissists, are spiritually depleted individuals who prey upon others for their strength. Sure there is a common set of psychological characteristics but those characteristics seem to be rooted in an over inflated ego.

An over inflated ego is the result of someone who is surviving in the first three energetic Chakras which are the lower level energy systems of the body. These three lower level energy systems are associated with sexuality, power and things of the material world and they don’t involve the heart. The heart is the fourth chakra. And so those residing in the lower three chakras are missing their connection with the heart as well as the soul which is even higher up on the spiritual ladder.

If the dark hearts of the world were not great actors they would not be able to find food sources. So they have become highly dependent upon their acting abilities. They have learned what it looks like to be fully human, to love, to have a family, and even to be spiritual. Yet most people who are involved with a dark heart report, after a period of time that something isn’t right. Something is missing! We are intuitively picking up the fact that the dark heart is not authentic. There are too many pieces missing. It looks like a duck, it walks like a duck but it’s not really a duck.

A dark heart is part of the destructive force of the universe. It doesn’t really matter how he got there. The fact remains he is aligned with darkness and will be a destructive force in your life as long as you are associated with him. Because his conscious or unconscious intent is to extract the life force energy from those around him!

Breaking Through Denial

The challenge most people I work with have is recognizing they are dealing with a dark heart and breaking through the denial that keeps them stuck in the illusion. There is a very strong need to believe that they are dealing with someone who is inherently good, rather than evil. How can evil appear so loving and innocent? How can it appear so weak and needy? How can it appear so strong and intelligent? But the truth is that it will appear to you however it needs to in order to get you to volunteer your energy. And I say “volunteer” your energy because that is what you do. The dark hearts of the world could not extract our energy if we didn’t buy into the illusion and give our energy to the cause.

Have you ever seen one of those movies where the villain is chasing the good guy and at the very end the villain falls over a cliff and is reaching up a hand to the good guy to save him. The good guy wrestles with his conscience “should I save him or should I let him die?” Being the loving being that he is, he reaches out a hand and pulls the villain to safety only to have the villain immediately turn on his to push him over the cliff. This is how the dark heart operates.

It is our humanity that causes us to reach out our hand and save the one who is drowning. Until we have had enough experience with it that we stop trying to save him. I think of the Phill Collins song “In the Air Tonight” where he sings:

“If I saw you were drowning, I would not lend a hand. I’ve seen your face before my friend and I don’t know if you know who I am. Well I was there and I saw what you did. I saw it with my own two eyes. So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you’ve been, its all been a pack of lies.”

Saving The World One Light At A Time

On a more global scale we are keeping darkness alive by feeding it our energy. When we withdraw our energy it will have no more fuel in which to do its dirty deeds and it will either have to turn within, which is where true spiritual growth happens, or it will die out.

One thing I do believe is that no soul is completely lost. Any one, no matter how spiritually depleted can call upon the light and be infused with it. That is how we, the ones who have had our life force energy depleted by a dark heart, can be replenished…by calling on the light. Call it prayer, or energy work or spiritual guidance. It all can have the same positive effect on our spiritual energy.

We must avoid trying to “save” those who are lost to the dark side of the force, so to speak. We are truly powerless to save these lost souls. And in our very attempt to save a dark heart we give our own life force energy. So if you feel it is spiritual or loving to attempt to rescue or save a dark heart, think again. What is spiritual about having your own light extracted so that another can shine brighter and do more damage in the world?

The difference between a dark heart and a light heart is that a dark heart is dependent upon an external flashlight to see in the dark. The light heart is the flashlight. The light heart lights up from within. Light hearts are connected to the God Source, the light source of the universe.

Since it is the agenda of the dark agents of the world to destroy the light, it is all the more important that we focus on growing our light and shining that light on other good hearted people who need to find their way in the dark.

Sometimes good hearted people, who have been spiritually depleted, need a flashlight. Those of us who have regained our light can lend a helping hand to those who will truly appreciate it.

Swallowed by Darkness

The spiritual guru’s of the world, that are of the darkside, feed upon the energy of their followers. Being a master magician the guru constructs an elaborate illusion to seduce his followers with. Jim Jones, the Spiritual Guru who led his followers to drink poison, is a great example. Some say he started out on the right foot but lost his way. I’m not sure this is the case. He must have been a pretty empty soul to begin with in order to have allowed it to go as far as it did. He may have bought his own illusion, which I believe many dark hearts do. But had he truly been a man of spirit he would not have required such dedication and devotion from his followers. He ruled by fear! People gave up their power to him. They gave their life force for him. They gave their very life for him. And this is the danger of being seduced by a dark heart.

Many will actually lose their lives as a result of being involved with a dark heart. There are countless suicides, overdoses, and death by cancer and other diseases which are caused by a depletion of one’s life force. Not to mention the slow erosion of a victim through drug or alcohol abuse.

Many of my clients report the feeling that if they didn’t get away they would die. I had this feeling in both of my narcissistic relationships. There is more truth to this feeling than we realize. It is an internal warning. We know that if we deplete our life force there will be nothing left to keep us alive. We will lose our will to live and create the circumstances of our own demise.

It is important for all who are truly loving, compassionate beings to only give energy where there is an exchange. Dark hearts don’t participate in exchange. They simply extract. They extract money, goods, services and energy without any internal sense of debt. They feel entitled to the things they extract. They never truly give energy because they don’t have the ability to replenish from within. What may seem like energy in the beginning is likely either an illusion or they are giving a bit of what they have taken from another in order to secure a constant flow. It would be like an investor paying upfront for an income producing property that gives an immediate return on investment. There is no giving from the heart, because the dark heart is not operating in his heart. His heart is closed off. He gives in order to get. His intention and motivation is not of integrity or authenticity. His giving is purely a seduction.

How Can I Know I’m With a Dark Heart?

How can one know if he or she is with a dark heart or has a dark heart as a member of his or her immediate family? Watch that pattern of giving only in attempt to extract energy from you. If you are feeling depleted in your energy exchanges than it is not an exchange, it is an extraction. If you are becoming increasingly more depressed, lethargic, passionless, and low in self esteem as a result of your interaction with that person, then you are probably feeding that person your life force energy.

You can break free of a dark heart by completely withdrawing your energy and building a fortress around your energy field so that he or she can no longer get in the door. You will need to realize that simply by cutting off physical contact you are not necessarily severing the energy cord he is using to extract your energy. Although severing physical contact is an important first step, there is more work to do. You truly must cut that umbilical cord that is feeding the dark heart your energy, on a psychic level, and go to work to restore your own energy by meditating on the light within. All you need is a spark and if you don’t feel even a spark of light within you may need to see an energy worker or spiritual healer to get you kickstarted.

Our tendency is to want to go to the dark heart to get back what was taken. This is a futile and destructive process that will only do further damage. It is like going to someone who has stolen your money to get it back when he has already spent it. He has nothing to give you. You have to accept the loss and use your own reserves and resources to restore yourself.

What Keeps You Hooked In?

You have to be willing to look at the things that keep you hooked into the illusion that the dark heart you are with is coming from love. This is not love! It may be a highly seductive energy! It may be very sexually charged. Keep in mind that since the dark heart spends all his time in the lower three chakras he may have mastered the sexual arena. He may be a master at extracting your energy sexually. This may be the arena in which he expresses his need and his desire for you which really equates to a need and desire for your life force energy. What better way to extract life force energy then through the sexual arena. He need only give you moments of pleasure in exchange for a lifetime of energy supply. Not a bad investment.

Another way a dark heart keeps you hooked in is by beating you down emotionally, leaving you with a feeling of dependency and low self worth. You may come to believe that you will never do better than the person you are with and so you invest even more energy in trying to make it work. The result…he gets more of your energy and you have less. This beating down can happen very subtly so you may not even realize it is happening until it is too late. You may realize that you are not quite feeling like your old self but don’t know what to pin it on. I know for me it resulted in disease and illness and so my focus went to trying to heal my disease without considering him as the root cause of my sickness.

Of course the dark hearts despise anything that looks like weakness because it means less energy for them. If you are sick you have less to give. This is why dark hearts will often have affairs when you are pregnant or sick. Even if they don’t have affairs they won’t be the nurturing, doting friend or lover who lends his energy to help you heal. Dark hearts are very resourceful finding ways to manipulate just about any situation to get their needs for energy met.

Do They Know They Are Dark?

Dark hearts, on the most part, don’t know that they are dark. They are pretenders. They pretend to fit in. They pretend to love. They pretend to care. They know intuitively that their very survival depends on their fitting in, on the one hand, and standing out, on the other. The more they appear to shine, the more attention and energy they will get. And so you will meet some in jeans and tee-shirts, some in elaborate spiritual costuming, some in artistic costuming and others in business suits and dresses. They will play their role well and be very convincing.

Our best defense against a dark heart is our intuitive knowing and our own heart. The heart knows the truth. We intuitively sense when we are in danger and our body reacts with adrenaline, fear and a heightened sense of awareness. Our heart knows when one is not truly coming from the heart. It can feel the emptiness, the vacancy. There is something truly missing. We have to pay attention to that. Instead of trying to fix the problem we need to withdraw ourselves from it because this is a problem that we cannot fix. You absolutely cannot fix a dark heart. You can help a broken heart heal, but a dark heart is beyond broken. He is not at all connected to his heart. He is heartless!

Once one has sold his soul to the devil, so to speak, it is very, very difficult to get it back. The dark heart is doing the work of the darkness by being a destructive force in the universe. It is his work to corrupt the light so the darkness will prevail. He may not be conscious of his mission. He is an agent of the darkness. He is used by the dark forces of the universe to destroy the light. He extinguishes the light, one light at a time, or in the case of people like Jim Jones, many lights at a time.

The reward given to the dark heart for his work is a sense of power and control! Power is very seductive. Control makes one feel omnipotent. The dark heart doesn’t want to feel his weakness, his vulnerability or his own sense of inferiority. The sense of power and control he gets by extracting energy from others shields him from the truth of his own inadequacy. He has that strong egoic need to see himself as superior.

Are All Narcissistic People Dark Hearts?

It is important to know that there are many people who are hanging out in various shades of grey who have very narcissistic qualities but who still have light in them and the ability to turn to that light within. It doesn’t mean that these people can be fixed from the outside however. It is a personal mission to develop one’s own relationship with the creator or the creative force of the universe. We can’t do that for anyone but ourselves. There is hope for these people but that hope must be fostered from within. The “grey ones” must be able to recognize that they have a problem and get the appropriate help.

For those who are having their energy extracted by a dark heart or a grey one will experience a very similar result. So it is not our job to determine if the one we are giving our energy to is salvageable or not. It is our job to cut off the energy supply and begin the process of healing and restoration of our own souls.

Only by the act of cutting off the supply of energy to the dark heart or grey one can we offer them any hope to find the light within. As long as one is feeding on an outside source he never has to look within. Sure he may find another immediate source, but that is not your concern. Your concern is with your own souls needs. You have set up a parasitic relationship with the dark heart and as long as that relationship is intact you will lose your energy. If that person has any hope of changing at all it can only happen after you withdraw your energy.

A mother bird will eventually kick her babies out of the nest. This is the only way the baby will learn to fly. The baby cannot learn to fly as long as the Mother keeps feeding it. He will never mature enough to feed himself as long as the Mother is taking care of it.

By continuing to feed a parasite we keep it alive. Just like a tick on a dog. We’ve taken many ticks off our dogs and the tick is usually pretty small when it attaches itself. It then feeds upon the blood of the dog and gets bigger and bigger and bigger. Removing that tick is not easy. We have to take a pair of tweezers and some alcohol. We first shock it with the alcohol and then hold the tweezers on the tick gently pulling until it finally becomes exhausted and let’s go. The tick’s very survival depends upon the blood of its prey. Without that blood it will wither and die.

With a tick when it gets its fill it jumps off and lives on the blood he has taken. But when that blood is gone he will jump on the closest available blood source.

When we refuse to feed a parasite the parasite will leave.  The parasitic nature of a person either needs to be fed or it will die. If a parasite is left without food, he will eventually be forced to turn within in order to survive. According to many spiritual belief systems this is what is transpiring on our planet right now. Those who are waking up and realizing they have been feeding the beast are withdrawing their energy and the end result will be death to the beast. But it is a long slow process. We all must do our part by unplugging our energy source from the beast.

The beast is the entity that is kept in power by the dark forces of humanity. And the dark forces of humanity solicit the light forces to feed it. This is why the light is so much more powerful than the darkness. All we need to do is collectively withdraw our energy and the light will prevail. The darkness absolutely depends upon us to fuel its mission.

About Kaleah LaRoche

Kaleah LaRoche is the Founder of Narcissism Free and has been working to support others in their recovery of narcissistic abuse since 2006. She has authored four books on the topic of narcissistic abuse, recovery, and traversing the dark night of the soul. A Clinical Hypnotherapist and Holistic Counselor since 1988, Kaleah brings her compassionate counseling skill and Hypnotherapy to assist in healing and recovery.

Kaleah also has a popular podcast “Pandora’s Box.” You can go to pandoras-box-radio.com to listen.

1 comment on “Dark Hearts

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    Excellent article! For me, you explained why I still have low energy and a lack of life goals after 7 years of being divorced. And, it doesn’t help that I have to maintain some contact because we share custody of a child. Furthermore, I feel zapped of life energy when my teen exhibits some of the narcissistic behaviors of my ex. Now I know, that I still have a spark of light in me, but it keeps getting dimmed because of the constant tug and pull of him and her trying to control me on a unseen energetic level!
    I have acquired much insight from this and other articles you have wrote. A huge weight has been lifted from me as now I understand the dynamics of what is going on. I feel cheerful now and am thinking of some goals I want to engage in as I write this.
    Thank you so much for all the sharing of research you have done. Now, I can see/visualize that I will be Narcissistically Free soon!

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