Anah Maa and I will be joining together for another powerful discussion Tuesday at 4pm PST. The topic of our show is “Escaping the Prisons of Your Mind.” Wow! That could mean so many things, right? How do we come up with these topics? Well, Anah and I are longtime friends and we have always had some pretty deep and intimate conversations. Whenever we get together to decide on a topic it seems the topic chooses us.
It is important to me that I gear the majority of the shows on Pandora’s Box to the challenges most of you are going through right now. And I know from both personal experience and through my correspondence and counseling with others how frustrating it can be to feel trapped in your own mind. Obsessive thinking, ruminating thoughts, and repetitive stories are just a few of the issues people who come out of traumatic relationships suffer from.
It is easy to make the mistake of believing coming out of a traumatic relationship would involve the same kind of grieving process as a “normal” relationship. We tend to want to put time limits on our process and feel something is wrong with us if we are not “getting over it” fast enough. The other guy has moved on, why can’t we? Why are we still trapped in the relationship long after it has ended? It is no longer the relationship with the other person we are trapped in. It is the relationship we are still having in our own mind.
Many people go on for a year, or two or more, depending on the length of the relationship, processing through the tragic ending of that relationship. Your ex “significant other” might be remarried, or have already had six different relationships, meanwhile you are still here, ruminating, wondering what you could have done differently, or trying to deal with your rage, or trying to figure out how to get yourself back. The crazy making part of the relationship may not even come until the end, because being trapped in ruminating thoughts is crazy making. You don’t want to think about “him/her” but you just can’t seem to help it. You don’t seem to have control over your thoughts. You might even read books about “change your thinking, change your life” and end up judging and blaming yourself because you can’t seem to change your thoughts.
So how do you escape this insanity? Well this is what we are going to be talking about on Pandora’s Box. But until then I am going to give you a tidbit you can start using right now. Be gentle with yourself! Stop beating yourself up. Accept that the relationship you once had “out there” is still happening but now it is “in here.”
It is normal for any relatively healthy person to process out of a relationship but when that relationship ends abruptly it doesn’t change the need to process out and when all the emotional baggage from the relationship has been dumped in your back yard, you are the one left to pick it up, right? You have two choices. You can either get out into that yard and start picking up the trash, one item at a time or you can spend the rest of your days looking out your window and getting angry that you have been left with the garbage.
You can’t change the fact that the emotional garbage has been dumped on you and the other person seems to have escaped “garbage free.” It might help to know that nobody really escapes the emotional burdens of life. Just because someone has learned to repress everything and project what is repressed onto others doesn’t mean he/she gets off scott free. It may appear that way. But everybody has to pay the piper. We all have to be responsible for what we have created in the end.
Things are not always as they seem or as they appear. The good news is if you get out into your back yard and start picking up the trash, eventually your yard will be clean again and you can plant some flowers, grow some new trees and create a sanctuary. You may become a master gardener and also become very mindful about who you allow into your yard. What once felt like chaos can be transformed into peace. You might look back on your life and realize you have gone from a life of high drama to a life that is relatively drama free.
Tuesday, May 8, 4pm PST: Escaping the Prisons of Your Mind with Kaleah and Anah Maa
Kaleah and Anah Maa will be discussing how we imprison ourselves in obsessive thinking, ruminating thoughts and repetitive stories that keep you stuck in your mind. Learn how to change your thinking, shift your perspective and take that journey from the head to the heart where you can find peace and serenity.
Listen Live on Blog Talk Radio
If you would like to participate in this show, please feel free to call into our guest line at (347) 826-9626.