Comments for The Path Back To Self http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog Recovery Of The Soul Thu, 03 May 2012 17:44:45 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 Comment on Narcissistic Men and Borderline Women by mary http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1401 mary Thu, 03 May 2012 17:44:45 +0000 http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1401 i am currently trying to get out of this N marriage. I am hanging n for the kids and in order to keep them housed. Some years ago i inherited a some of money and rebuilt our house to accomodate all four of our children with their own rooms space ect. I also went back to university and got a degree to get better paid job which i did. I then filed for divorce, then things went up a gear, my husband went to social s and said i was emotionaly abusing my daughter with my work, and that i drank too much, he then convinced my daughter 13 that i was victimising him and trying to get him thrown on the streets, so she backed up his story. I had to resign from my job as i was in a position of trust and felt i could not preform my professional responsibilities while dealing with SS. My husband then inherited a considerable amount of money he purcgased a brand new car and had it imported from Germany, he then wrote letters to my GP saying i was lazy and laying in my own soil for days on end, fortunately my GP was well aware off his behaiour and lies from the past and warned me. My children are 13 20 22 and 23 live rent free and now refuse to help with household bills as he has told them'lazy bitch, would do nothing but drink wine all day' meaning me. They now abuse insult and bully me just like he does, they tell me 'fu.k off mum, just move out! we dont want you here you just moan and try to get us to do stuff' two of my sons are on job seekers one has a place at university but refuses to take it up. 'Dad didnt go to university, and he is doing OK' yet there dad is unqualified in any area andhas conned his way too many times to count. Hub wants to keep his inheritence, he has just bought another car, you cant drive two at once, he also wants to sell our home, his plan is to also take a further third of the house value so he can keep my daughter with him, shw having been spoilt rotton thinks this is wonderful. Do i cut and run? i am currently trying to get out of this N marriage. I am hanging n for the kids and in order to keep them housed. Some years ago i inherited a some of money and rebuilt our house to accomodate all four of our children with their own rooms space ect. I also went back to university and got a degree to get better paid job which i did. I then filed for divorce, then things went up a gear, my husband went to social s and said i was emotionaly abusing my daughter with my work, and that i drank too much, he then convinced my daughter 13 that i was victimising him and trying to get him thrown on the streets, so she backed up his story.
I had to resign from my job as i was in a position of trust and felt i could not preform my professional responsibilities while dealing with SS. My husband then inherited a considerable amount of money he purcgased a brand new car and had it imported from Germany, he then wrote letters to my GP saying i was lazy and laying in my own soil for days on end, fortunately my GP was well aware off his behaiour and lies from the past and warned me. My children are 13 20 22 and 23 live rent free and now refuse to help with household bills as he has told them’lazy bitch, would do nothing but drink wine all day’ meaning me. They now abuse insult and bully me just like he does, they tell me ‘fu.k off mum, just move out! we dont want you here you just moan and try to get us to do stuff’ two of my sons are on job seekers one has a place at university but refuses to take it up. ‘Dad didnt go to university, and he is doing OK’ yet there dad is unqualified in any area andhas conned his way too many times to count.

Hub wants to keep his inheritence, he has just bought another car, you cant drive two at once, he also wants to sell our home, his plan is to also take a further third of the house value so he can keep my daughter with him, shw having been spoilt rotton thinks this is wonderful.

Do i cut and run?

]]> Comment on Narcissistic Men and Borderline Women by Brian http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1400 Brian Thu, 03 May 2012 14:10:46 +0000 http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1400 Kaleah GREAT Article! Before discovering your site, I never really knew the traits, I just thought it was me! and yes, I was losing my mind! I do agree that the data suggests that men are more commonly Narcissists, but isn't this more of a reporting issue? I now know that my Mother was a Narcissist and my ex was a Narcissist as well. I think men in the past may not have seeked help for such issues, but can I suggest that because of changes in our society, we will see the data on women Narcissists increase? Kaleah GREAT Article! Before discovering your site, I never really knew the traits, I just thought it was me! and yes, I was losing my mind! I do agree that the data suggests that men are more commonly Narcissists, but isn’t this more of a reporting issue? I now know that my Mother was a Narcissist and my ex was a Narcissist as well. I think men in the past may not have seeked help for such issues, but can I suggest that because of changes in our society, we will see the data on women Narcissists increase?

]]> Comment on Narcissistic Men and Borderline Women by Stephanie http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1399 Stephanie Thu, 03 May 2012 04:33:35 +0000 http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1399 Kaleah, your articles always come when I am going through another difficult time. After 7 years, I left the "N" in my life on November 28, 2011. The holidays were pure hell! I have been reading your books, journeling, praying, and seeing a therapist weekly. The obsession over what he is doing and who he is doing was the most difficult aspect the first 3 months. The more recent 2.5 months I find that I don't think about him 7/24 and I am trying to get back out to meet people and do thinks socially so I can move on. As your article states they are great at charming you in the beginning because they want to manipulate you and use you and suck your power. I prefer to call him an "incubus" also because he uses sex to seduce women and make you feel that you are "special" and says that he loves you; yet what he is really saying is that I love the way you make me feel. During the happy part of the relationship he would spend money on me, take me on great trips and was so romantic and loving and attentive. That all changed when he informed me that he had so much love to give that he couldn't be with just me because there were so many women out there that needed his love. He considered himself to be much more endowed than he was, good looking, spiritual etc. He now targets women who are 15 -25 years younger than him; and we all know why, because he can fool them easier and longer. He is definitely a sex addict and is very addicted; that coupled with the Narcissism left me to realize there is NO HOPE, I had to stop kidding myself, I kept thinking if only I could be more of this for him but IT WAS NEVER ENOUGH!! He tapped into my damaged parts from childhood and used that to pull me in and take the love I had for him until I had no more to give. What I have learned from this....I WILL BE MORE ALERT in the future and pay attention and when I see red flags I will not blow them off. ONE THING THAT IS STILL SO DIFFICULT, I MISS THE SEX!--WHY Is that so hard to let go of. I have been finding myself feeling vulnerable lately because I ran into him 2 weeks ago with a young girl and it triggered my desire to want him sexually. Is that weird or what? What really sucks about all of this, he has discarded me like an old shoe and hasn't given me a second thought yet I still think about him every day, not every minute, but at least once a day. Time will continue to heal me but it is so baffling to me how these people can go on like you were never part of their lives. THANK YOU for ALL YOU DO FOR ALL OF US WHO ARE TRYING TO MOVE ON. Kaleah, your articles always come when I am going through another difficult time. After 7 years, I left the “N” in my life on November 28, 2011. The holidays were pure hell! I have been reading your books, journeling, praying, and seeing a therapist weekly. The obsession over what he is doing and who he is doing was the most difficult aspect the first 3 months. The more recent 2.5 months I find that I don’t think about him 7/24 and I am trying to get back out to meet people and do thinks socially so I can move on. As your article states they are great at charming you in the beginning because they want to manipulate you and use you and suck your power. I prefer to call him an “incubus” also because he uses sex to seduce women and make you feel that you are “special” and says that he loves you; yet what he is really saying is that I love the way you make me feel. During the happy part of the relationship he would spend money on me, take me on great trips and was so romantic and loving and attentive. That all changed when he informed me that he had so much love to give that he couldn’t be with just me because there were so many women out there that needed his love. He considered himself to be much more endowed than he was, good looking, spiritual etc. He now targets women who are 15 -25 years younger than him; and we all know why, because he can fool them easier and longer. He is definitely a sex addict and is very addicted; that coupled with the Narcissism left me to realize there is NO HOPE, I had to stop kidding myself, I kept thinking if only I could be
more of this for him but IT WAS NEVER ENOUGH!! He tapped into my damaged
parts from childhood and used that to pull me in and take the love I had for him
until I had no more to give. What I have learned from this….I WILL BE MORE ALERT in the future and pay attention and when I see red flags I will not blow them off. ONE THING THAT IS STILL SO DIFFICULT, I MISS THE SEX!–WHY Is that so hard to let go of. I have been finding myself feeling vulnerable lately because I ran into him 2 weeks ago with a young girl and it triggered my desire to want him sexually.
Is that weird or what? What really sucks about all of this, he has discarded me like an old shoe and hasn’t given me a second thought yet I still think about him every day, not every minute, but at least once a day. Time will continue to heal me but it is so baffling to me how these people can go on like you were never part of their lives. THANK YOU for ALL YOU DO FOR ALL OF US WHO ARE TRYING TO MOVE ON.

]]> Comment on Narcissistic Men and Borderline Women by andee http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1398 andee Thu, 03 May 2012 02:02:33 +0000 http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1398 what you wrote is very true. been living with an npd for 20yrs and yeah, believed that he would change. that i just have to love and understand him. but now, he became more hard to tolerate and understand. when we fight he would shout, because he knows i hate it. he will not take responsibility for his actions. he would say i made him angry that's why he shouted. he was never wrong and it was always my fault. i am scared now because i am getting old and am finding it hard to tolerate him. i do not have a job and financially dependent on him. i know i have to be patient, but i am not sure how long... what you wrote is very true. been living with an npd for 20yrs and yeah, believed that he would change. that i just have to love and understand him. but now, he became more hard to tolerate and understand. when we fight he would shout, because he knows i hate it. he will not take responsibility for his actions. he would say i made him angry that’s why he shouted. he was never wrong and it was always my fault. i am scared now because i am getting old and am finding it hard to tolerate him. i do not have a job and financially dependent on him. i know i have to be patient, but i am not sure how long…

]]> Comment on Narcissistic Men and Borderline Women by Timothy http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1397 Timothy Wed, 02 May 2012 09:21:41 +0000 http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1397 Kaleah, I was in a relationship with a narcissus lady for nine moths. Well the way out for me was that I took ownership of who I am and look deep within myself and just went cold turkey. I just walked away and kept on walking. I gave them a bit of there character. They don't like to be ignored. Now and then we bump into each other, less than a minute contact and its as if they don't exist. I am civil, humble and very in charge when our pass cross. live you and don't live them. it works for me. It was a crazy experience, wow I'm free. Kaleah, I was in a relationship with a narcissus lady for nine moths. Well the way out for me was that I took ownership of who I am and look deep within myself and just went cold turkey. I just walked away and kept on walking. I gave them a bit of there character. They don’t like to be ignored. Now and then we bump into each other, less than a minute contact and its as if they don’t exist. I am civil, humble and very in charge when our pass cross. live you and don’t live them. it works for me. It was a crazy experience, wow I’m free.

]]> Comment on Narcissistic Men and Borderline Women by Jo Taylor http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1394 Jo Taylor Tue, 01 May 2012 20:58:49 +0000 http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1394 Thank you for your excellent article. Your articles and website have helped me keep going through some very dark times. Divorcing my narcissist husband. even though I have two small children to care for on my own, I truly believe has saved my life and the lives of my children. I am able to show them how it feels to be in a loving, empathic family with a mother who isn't afraid to assert herself and expect to be treated respectfully. I am providing a positive role model where previously there was an intensely damaging one. It takes a great amount of energy to protect them from my ex husband's attempts to control me through the children. They are his last vestige of control and he uses them sadistically and with no compassion or true love. He cares only that his wishes are fulfilled irrespective of who suffers, even his own children. I had never encountered such a cruel, cold person and it took me a long time to figure out what on earth was going on - time I now wish I hadn't wasted by trying to "help" him. I have learned a tremendous amount about myself and your articles continue to enlighten me. My ex husband is a professor of psychiatry would you believe? So I have to live with the knowledge that he is advising scores of people on their mental health when privately he is an immensely disordered, toxic NPD. I am growing stronger everyday thanks to people like you Thank you for your excellent article. Your articles and website have helped me keep going through some very dark times. Divorcing my narcissist husband. even though I have two small children to care for on my own, I truly believe has saved my life and the lives of my children. I am able to show them how it feels to be in a loving, empathic family with a mother who isn’t afraid to assert herself and expect to be treated respectfully. I am providing a positive role model where previously there was an intensely damaging one.
It takes a great amount of energy to protect them from my ex husband’s attempts to control me through the children. They are his last vestige of control and he uses them sadistically and with no compassion or true love. He cares only that his wishes are fulfilled irrespective of who suffers, even his own children.
I had never encountered such a cruel, cold person and it took me a long time to figure out what on earth was going on – time I now wish I hadn’t wasted by trying to “help” him. I have learned a tremendous amount about myself and your articles continue to enlighten me.
My ex husband is a professor of psychiatry would you believe? So I have to live with the knowledge that he is advising scores of people on their mental health when privately he is an immensely disordered, toxic NPD.
I am growing stronger everyday thanks to people like you

]]> Comment on Narcissistic Men and Borderline Women by Kelley http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1393 Kelley Tue, 01 May 2012 20:53:41 +0000 http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1393 I am one of those people who began life with a narcissist Mother and then went on to marry a narcissist man. We have been married three different times. I have played the submissive (co-dependent) role and up until a few years ago had myself convinced that the best strategy was to give him give him enough unconditional love to help him heal his damaged self. In truth, I was terrified to strike out alone because I was so convinced that he and my Mom were right; I am unloveable, unworthy of happiness and basically really screwed up. You can only imagine what my life was like when my Mom and my husband were both alive. I have lived with this man for over 26 years and see how paralyzed with fear of some-thingI have been. That some-thing is not completely known to me and now after all this time it includes anger/rage and bitterness at for not having saved myself sooner. Having stumbled upon this website seemed like a miracle. For one, it gives me a message that I am not the craziest one in this marriage and two, there are others out there like me; struggling to find the strength and presence of mind to make a change. Keleah, you have reached me all the way down to New Zealand and are helping me build my confidence and hope for a narcissist-free future. Thanks so much for your efforts. I am one of those people who began life with a narcissist Mother and then went on to marry a narcissist man. We have been married three different times. I have played the submissive (co-dependent) role and up until a few years ago had myself convinced that the best strategy was to give him give him enough unconditional love to help him heal his damaged self. In truth, I was terrified to strike out alone because I was so convinced that he and my Mom were right; I am unloveable, unworthy of happiness and basically really screwed up. You can only imagine what my life was like when my Mom and my husband were both alive.
I have lived with this man for over 26 years and see how paralyzed with fear of some-thingI have been. That some-thing is not completely known to me and now after all this time it includes anger/rage and bitterness at for not having saved myself sooner.
Having stumbled upon this website seemed like a miracle. For one, it gives me a message that I am not the craziest one in this marriage and two, there are others out there like me; struggling to find the strength and presence of mind to make a change.
Keleah, you have reached me all the way down to New Zealand and are helping me build my confidence and hope for a narcissist-free future. Thanks so much for your efforts.

]]> Comment on Narcissistic Men and Borderline Women by Tonya http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1392 Tonya Tue, 01 May 2012 19:23:13 +0000 http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1392 Great article! Great article!

]]> Comment on Narcissistic Men and Borderline Women by Jacquie http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1391 Jacquie Tue, 01 May 2012 14:17:12 +0000 http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1391 Thank you so much for this amazing article. It describes some people that are in my life and so explains to me what the *__! is going on. Also .... My mother was narcissistic and I had to sever the relationship for 15 years before she passed away. It was the best decision I could ever make as she was deeply wounding me and not allowing any healing time. I have no regrets and she didn't feel bad about herself as she thought I was the bad one! I had the time to heal. :) Thank you so much for this amazing article. It describes some people that are in my life and so explains to me what the *__! is going on. Also …. My mother was narcissistic and I had to sever the relationship for 15 years before she passed away. It was the best decision I could ever make as she was deeply wounding me and not allowing any healing time. I have no regrets and she didn’t feel bad about herself as she thought I was the bad one! I had the time to heal. :)

]]> Comment on Narcissistic Men and Borderline Women by Richard http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1390 Richard Tue, 01 May 2012 13:52:20 +0000 http://www.narcissismfree.com/blog/?p=953#comment-1390 This is a brilliant article, Kaleah. You are so correct about such people. They will never change this side of the grave. Only if there is an afterlife, allowing prolonged reflection, will they be able to view their bad behaviour clearly. Five key concepts. 1) They are always RIGHT. It is always other people who are wrong, whom they blame. 2) They REFUSE TO BE PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE for their bad behaviour. 3) They lack a CONSCIENCE. 4) They feel ENTITLED to take advantage of others, to get the best deal for themselves always, and cannot or will not take others' needs into account. 5) They LACK GENUINE KINDNESS, SYMPATHY, or EMPATHY. Any display of such qualities is feigned for the devious purpose of manipulating others into trusting them and doing what they want. You are so correct to say that it is best to get out of any deep involvement with them AS SOON AS it is realised that they display these five tendencies. Sadly there are too many of such people about. It is unfortunate that so many normal people these days are inclined to jump into the deep end of a sexual relationship with such people, before giving themselves time to work out whether they are people one can trust. It is far, far better to be in no relationship at all than in a relationship with one of these types of people. This is a brilliant article, Kaleah. You are so correct about such people. They will never change this side of the grave. Only if there is an afterlife, allowing prolonged reflection, will they be able to view their bad behaviour clearly. Five key concepts.
1) They are always RIGHT. It is always other people who are wrong, whom they blame.
2) They REFUSE TO BE PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE for their bad behaviour.
3) They lack a CONSCIENCE.
4) They feel ENTITLED to take advantage of others, to get the best deal for themselves always, and cannot or will not take others’ needs into account.
5) They LACK GENUINE KINDNESS, SYMPATHY, or EMPATHY. Any display of such qualities is feigned for the devious purpose of manipulating others into trusting them and doing what they want.
You are so correct to say that it is best to get out of any deep involvement with them AS SOON AS it is realised that they display these five tendencies. Sadly there are too many of such people about. It is unfortunate that so many normal people these days are inclined to jump into the deep end of a sexual relationship with such people, before giving themselves time to work out whether they are people one can trust. It is far, far better to be in no relationship at all than in a relationship with one of these types of people.

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