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| Moving Forward Beyond Narcissistic Abuse
It is the same for those of you on the journey of recovery from narcissistic abuse. You may be walking in a dark tunnel right now but have to trust that there is something better waiting for you when you return to the light. Those who give up and subscribe to a life of victimhood will always stay in the tunnel which results in chronic depression, lethargy, financial issues, physical issues and a lonely, loveless life. There is nobody on this earth who has the power to assign you to this kind of life, except for YOU. What the narcissist did was horrible and there is no excuse for the pain you have suffered as a result. But there is also no going back and changing the past. All you have is now and the future and this is where your energy needs to be focused. I watched a documentary the other day called “The Shadow of the Moon” about the first astronauts who landed on the moon. It was interesting how astronauts were chosen for their ability to stay cool, calm and collected in a crisis. It was a matter of life and death to them. There was a point where there was an explosion in the capsule that was supposed to take the astronauts back home. I was listening to them talking, reflecting back so many years ago and one of the astronauts said. “Our oxygen was leaking and we thought it was all over for us but we asked ourselves, what do we have to work with to get us home?” I was so impressed with this attitude. “What do we have to work with to get us home?” I think we can all ask ourselves this same question when we are in a spiritual crisis. What do we have to work with? We may have lost what feels like the most important things in our lives but what do we still have left? If those astronauts spent their energy focusing on what was lost they would have never made it home. They would have used up the remainder of their oxygen having an emotional meltdown instead of focusing on how to save their lives and the mission. We are all on a mission. We just don’t always know what it is. Perhaps if we had a better image of what our mission or purpose in life is, we could change our focus from what we have lost and instead look at what we can work with now to get us to where we want to go. Now is an excellent time to take your inventory and make a list of who you believe you are and what you would like to do, be or have in this life. If you want a loving relationship than you must believe you can have that. There is no reason you can’t. I was so clear after leaving a narcissistic relationship not only that I wanted a loving relationship, but that I deserved one. I had been focusing on having a loving relationship for quite some time, even during the narcissistic one. I used to say a little prayer to either change the relationship I am in to a loving, harmonious relationship or move me on to something better. My prayer was answered but let me tell you I was unprepared for how quickly things would be shaken up in my life in order to bring me what I wanted. When a new opportunity for love presented itself almost right away, I could have easily said “No! I am not ready!” But I had been praying for this for years so why would I say I wasn’t ready? I didn’t give my ex the opportunity to take from me my joy and even though I was still hurting from the awful fall-out created by somebody I had believed was my friend, I knew I had to get on with my life. Looking forward is where the real healing happens. Let the wounds of the past heal, and give them the time they need to do this, but don’t focus on the pain of the healing. Focus instead on what you still have and what you can do with it. Then, take a deep breath, look forward and begin walking. Kaleah LaRoche is an Author, Holistic Counselor, Minister and Musician. She specializes in Spiritual Recovery for the Victims of Narcissistic Abuse. Kaleah has written two books on narcissism and abuse that she offers as downloads from her Website. She also offers lots of free information, a support forum, soul recovery and counseling. back |
Let me use the weight loss journey as an example. For years I taught my clients to change their diet and lifestyle in order to have the results they desired. There were a lot of emotions surfacing as my clients battled with their addictions and the pain at the root of them. Yet what kept them going was the knowledge that they were going somewhere better. If they embraced the journey, which included embracing the pain, they would eventually see a whole new being in the mirror.