Moving Forward Beyond Narcissistic Abuse
 It seems since the beginning of the year I have been doing a lot more Counseling for the tragedies of narcissistic abuse. The stories I hear are all equally as horrible and unfortunately I am never surprised by anything a client tells me anymore.
It is sad to get to the point where nothing surprises you anymore but this is where I find myself. My heart goes out to each and every one of you. Some of you have lost everything you’ve ever worked for, including your sense of self. Some are fortunate that you haven’t lost everything but know you could have, had you not learned about narcissism when you did.
Learning about narcissistic personality disorder can bring us the knowledge we need to say “O.K. I know he, or she, is narcissistic or has something like this and there is nothing I can do to change it.” The next step is to decide what you are going to do about it.
For most, who know you must get away from the insanity created by the narcissism, the only choice is to cut off all contact and find a way to get on with your life. For those with family ties such as children, it is impossible to completely cut off contact but will have to limit the contact and develop enough inner strength to draw your boundaries, keeping any and all communication to a bare minimum having to do with the subject at hand, i.e., when to pick up the kids, when to return them, etc. More on that later.
No matter what your situation, one thing is most certain. The narcissistic abuse you have suffered has put you in a place where a spiritual journey is almost required for your survival. This is a journey that requires going deep within and assessing your strengths, your weaknesses, and finding out who you really are.
As victims of abuse we want to not only survive but to thrive. There is a need somewhere deep within to make sense out of what has transpired and use our experiences to launch us to the next level in our lives.
I use the word victim very carefully because I believe; on a spiritual level, I know there are no true victims. We draw our experiences to us, on some level, no matter how horrible they are. Because these are the experiences that shake us up at our very core and require no less than a complete transformation in order to get beyond it.
When I was a teenager I had a very destructive eating disorder. I nearly died at age seventeen from starvation. I had, through this illusion of a false self, managed to starve myself down to a fragile 89 pounds. I survived and switched from anorexia to bulimia which carried me another few years until I finally ended up in therapy at age nineteen.
My eating disorder stemmed from my self image, from unresolved family issues and a period of time where I endured a lot of abuse as a result of being a chubby little girl. In therapy, although it was a long and difficult journey, I dealt with the issues that caused the disorder and was completely cured. Unlike alcoholism and drug addiction I never had a desire to abuse food again. I was completely past that. In fact I went on to counsel others with obesity and eating disorders as well as depression and illness. This is where my holistic counseling path began.
The dark night of the soul I underwent as a result of my eating disorder gave me the knowledge, the experience and the tools to help others on their journey who were dealing with the same type of issues. Had I not experienced such a journey I would never have been able to help the people I could help. So there was a purpose to the insanity I lived with. It had a positive outcome.
Years later I found the same type of experience with the narcissistic abuse. As a result of my long and painful journey I have been able to help others.
Part of helping others is to help them see that there is a purpose to their suffering. It makes the suffering much more bearable when we know that there can be a positive outcome.
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