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| Love Junkies and Heroin Addicts Continued...
The heroin addict may wish that he can use the drug, get it cheap and never have any negative side effects or withdrawal from it. But this is simply not the case. The drug is destructive! The only way for the heroin addict to get his life back is to withdraw, cold turkey, from the drug, stop entertaining fantasies that it will ever be anything different from what it is, and find new ways to be nourished by life. Like any drug addiction the longer you stay away the easier it is but the temptation is always there. The key is to resist the temptation, recognize it is unhealthy and focus your energy on healthy pursuits. For me it has been over seven years since leaving the relationship I talk about. He surfaced a short time ago and wanted to see me. At this point I felt I was strong enough to look at the drug without feeling the desire to inject it, so I agreed to see him, more as a test to myself than anything else. I felt like it must have felt to be a man standing on the moon looking back at earth. I had distance on it. It was beautiful, from a distance. Yet I could see all the complexity just beneath the surface. I watched as his mind worked trying to find ways to reel me back into the Web yet I resisted beautifully. He gave me his insight as to why our relationship didn’t work out and it was quite masterful and not even close to the truth, because, he could never hear the truth. I had to ask myself why he would even bother with me after all these years and I learned the answer to that question as well. It seemed that nobody else bothered to stay with him and he had only a series of dead-ends with no real commitment from anyone who gave as much as I did. I guess the average woman said NO to drugs. I was the exception. I was the addict and a narcissist loves an addict. It was my own ability to say NO to drugs that saved me in the end. I recognized my own addictive personality and my need for affirmation from an outside source. The key for me was to find that affirmation from within and stop projecting God like powers into empty shells. It is sad that he is so empty, but it is his journey, not mine. My journey is to care for myself, to find my own relationship to God and live my life to the fullest. From my own filled cup I draw to me those who also fill their own cup rather than those who look to drain my cup in attempt to fill their own. Kaleah |
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Our obsessive focus on the narcissist is a continuation of our feeding this empty shell with our energy. In order to heal we must put the focus back on ourselves and start feeding our own soul. This is the case with any addiction!