One of the most common questions victims of narcissistic abuse ask me is “how do I stop thinking about it?” There are a lot of reasons we get stuck in ruminating about the narcissist and what he or she has done. Often the behavior you have witnessed is atrocious, even unforgivable, as you might see […]
We’ve all heard that to forgive is divine, but what about those situations that feel nearly impossible to forgive? What about those people who have treated you in such a way that it feels unforgivable? Many of my clients talk to me about forgiveness and the first thing I say is “don’t worry about forgiving […]
Most suffering from narcissistic abuse stems from our core wounds. In fact it is our core wounding that unconsciously attracts the wounder. Although narcissistic abuse is very painful, the depth of that pain comes from our cellular memories of feeling worthless, not enough, not good enough, shameful, stupid, ugly and a number of other painful […]
My name is Kaleah and like many I have gone through the pain of having my life turned inside out as the result of narcissistic abuse. I know how it feels to reach the lowest lows and have to struggle to get my life back. I know how it feels to be so drained emotionally and physically that I can’t work or be productive in any way.
At my lowest point I couldn’t eat or sleep. I couldn’t go to work or socialize with people. My friends and family couldn’t understand the depth of the pain I was in and thought I should just “snap out of it” or “get over it!”
I would have loved to be able to just “get over it!” But this was one of the most difficult challenges life had brought my way. Even the doctors and psychologists couldn’t help me other than to give me medication to help me “cope.” I went on anti-depressants on the recommendation of a therapist who thought it would help me to eat and sleep.
It wasn’t until one of my few friends I had left referred me to a psychiatrist who believed I had been in a relationship with a narcissist, that my desolate world began to have meaning. I could finally at least understand why I was feeling the way I was. I finally had somewhere to go with this. I finally understood that I was not crazy as I had come to believe I was!
Life got better after seeing this psychiatrist. The pain didn’t end, but now I at least knew where it was coming from. I immersed myself in the study of narcissism, joined an Online support group and made it my mission not only to understand this strange disorder that left me feeling as if I had been raped on a soul level.
My study led me into another long-term narcissistic relationship and finally to a complete recovery nearly five years later. My recovery wasn’t complete however, until I had taken what I learned about narcissism and shared it with others who were going through the same thing I went through.
In the Fall of 2007, I released my second E-book “Narcissism, The Web of Illusion” where I share my knowledge and experience with narcissism and explore the concepts of energy vampires and evil as it pertains to narcissism.
I wouldn’t have written either book if I didn’t feel a nagging sense that this work had to be completed. I felt a deep inner guidance that told me I took this journey not only so I could become stronger but so that I could help others become empowered after the deep soul rape of narcissistic abuse.
I already had a background in counseling/hypnotherapy and spirituality. I had worked for years in my own practice helping people embrace the personal growth path they found themselves on, whether it be struggling with addiction, food, eating disorders, illness, relationship issues, abuse or something else.
It seemed all my life experience had led me to this place where I was to help those who found themselves completely lost as a result of narcissistic abuse.
Recovering from narcissistic abuse is a journey. It is a path back to the self. Those who have been abused by narcissism have slowly lost themselves. They have given pieces of themselves away bit by bit until there was nothing left to give.
It is usually at the moment of ones greatest sense of depletion that the victim experiences the horrible devaluation and discarding by the narcissist in their lives. Having nothing left to give, equals, no more energetic supply for the narcissist. The victim, at this point, becomes “worthless” to the narcissist and is cast aside in favor of a fresh new source of energy.
Most victims, which I chose to call “survivors,” or “thrivers” find themselves at their all time lowest lows once the relationship ends unless, of course, it is a family member who is the narcissist. Then it just seems to continue on out of some sense of familial obligation.
You would think that when the relationship officially ends, would be a time where victims can get their energy back and get on with their lives. But it never quite works like this. Instead one ends up feeling as if she has been kicked almost to the point of death and left to die in her own pool of blood while the one who has kicked her goes off to live happily ever after with someone who is young, beautiful and full of life.
As survivors we struggle to stay alive and although we know the narcissist is NOT good for us, we become obsessed with him. He becomes our link to life and to our sanity. We somehow believe he holds the answers, the key to our survival. We look to the one, who has nearly taken our life, to give us back our life. We know on some unconscious level that the narcissist has something we need. That something is our very soul.
The path back to self involves reclaiming what was lost. It means taking back the power and the energy that has been extracted through narcissistic abuse. It means educating ourselves on narcissism and how we can break free of the psychic bonds that tie us to our abuser.
If you are on this path, this Website is for you. It is a place for you to come, recharge your battery, and learn what you need to know to break free.